Why I Fear Driving

I’ve always wanted to drive, its been a dream of mine, but nerves and anxiety have always got in the way of me wanting to pursue this dream of mine. But one day that changed, I wanted this so much that I was prepared to put all nerves and anxiety aside in order to make this dream a reality. This wasn’t all about me anymore, I wanted to do this for my kids as well. They deserved to be taking out to wherever they wanted to go, without me having to worry about if a bus or train would be able to get us there.

The lessons began in a manual car and at first I loved it. I would countdown till my next lesson and absorb everything my instructor taught me, but after a little while (15 lessons or so) something wasn’t quite right. I couldn’t get to grips with the gears. I tried and tried but for whatever reason I just couldn’t get the hang of them. My instructor noticed it too and she was quick to suggest that maybe manual wasn’t for me and maybe I should try automatic. I was deflated, I felt like a failure and to top it all off I felt useless. To me it felt like jumping into an automatic was somehow cheating. I have to say that general opinion everywhere of automatic driving had made me think this way. But it was my Husband who made me think differently; “as long as you’re driving what does it matter” he said, “screw what others think of you, you’re doing this for you” and I knew he was right.

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So I found an automatic instructor and I began automatic lessons. Well let me tell you, the difference was amazing, literally within 10 lessons I was ready to take my test. My test was booked for 10am one April morning, I was picked up and had my lesson, at this point I was ok, I had sweaty hands but apart from that I was fairly confident, and then I got to the test centre. My examiner was grumpy as hell. Now everyone is different when it comes to learning how to drive, I myself like to chat a little, it helps me relax more, but this woman did not mutter one word to me, which only added to my nerves. Everything was fine and then came the huge roundabout/junction and within a split second I failed. I was in the wrong lane and took too long to get across. I got home and I cried. I was gutted. But this was my dream and dammit I was not going to be defeated.

Test number 2 happened about a month later.I felt the same as before but this time I felt a little more determined and let me tell you, the beginning of the test was great, that was until I missed a sign hidden by bushes and branches telling me to give way to oncoming vehicles. I failed again and this time I was angry. I’d only got 3 minors and 1 major, some silly little sign had stopped me from grabbing freedom. In my anger I booked another test.

Again test number 3 happened a month later. Except it was pouring hard with rain. It was lashing it down but the test still went ahead. Everything went smoothly and then I couldn’t see the road markings, I was in the wrong lane….again. I failed. I got home and I was miserable. Every single time it was one little thing that was causing me to fail, my confidence was shattered and I felt like I would never pass a driving test.

That was last year and I haven’t taken a test since then. I’m scared to do another test because of failure, because I just can’t seem to get it right and mainly because another failure would bring my confidence down to an all time low. Do I regret stopping? Oh my god yes. Will I get in a car again and take another test? I hope so, but the fear lingers over me and I don’t want to be a failure again.4

Sometimes even the most positive of people can feel like failures. But if you do have a dream, look it in the eye and whatever fear you may have, do try to conquer it because that’s what I’m trying real hard to do.

 

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26 Comments

  1. ktkinnes

    March 27, 2017 at 8:41 am

    I have all the faith in you that you can do this! My cousin failed her test 11 times before finally passing and now she’s actually one of the best drivers I know, simply because she took so many lessons to get her to pass. Don’t give up on your dream of driving just yet, and when it feels too much just remember how free you’ll feel driving at 70 down the motorway blasting music and singing your heart out! xx

    1. thatmummarocks

      March 27, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      Thanks lovely. I’m sure there will come a point when I’m ready to face it all again xx

  2. ashleighxrebecca

    March 27, 2017 at 9:30 am

    This is so important ❤ some people just take longer to learn than others and it’s so normal but people don’t talk about it so well done for opening up!
    I have every faith that you’ll pass next time. Just take your time and know your test routes is all 😊

    1. thatmummarocks

      March 27, 2017 at 8:39 pm

      Thanks for reading. I find it helps talking about it and also it let’s people know that their not alone in how they feel x

  3. Natasha

    March 27, 2017 at 10:08 am

    I completely know how you feel I’ve only taken one test and that was enough to knock my confidence. Also I believe they are only allowed to pass so many people a day so don’t let it knock you (this is what I’ve heard). You can do it though!

    Tasha x

    http://itsatashathing.blogspot.co.uk/2017/03/jackson-reece-baby-wipes-review.html?m=1

    1. thatmummarocks

      March 27, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Yes I’ve heard exactly the same thing! They can’t like me very much then haha x

  4. Beth

    March 27, 2017 at 10:38 am

    My anxiety has stopped me from learning. I’m 23 and now really wish i had but I’m still scared.
    Automatic will probably be my way forward.

    Don’t lose hope and give up..you will get there xx

    1. thatmummarocks

      March 27, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Automatic is so much more easier and it’s definitely the way to go if you’re nervous x

  5. Tiffany Rawling (@TiffanyRawling)

    March 27, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    I can completely relate to this! I did my lessons years ago and never ended up taking my test as I failed my theory 3 times and then didn’t carry on with my lessons. My third theory test I failed by 1 mark so that completely threw me off and just made me give up. I would love to get back to it one day, I would love my own car and have that independance but at the moment I’m just not confident enough. I’m sure you will get there one day and I really hope you decide to take your test again, I think we’ve both got a bit unlucky with our driving! x

    Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk

    1. thatmummarocks

      March 27, 2017 at 8:42 pm

      It’s tough when your confidence gets knocked isn’t it? Here’s hoping we both eventually end up with that pass certificate! X

  6. Abi

    March 27, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Such an honest post. I have so much faith in you. Driving tests were literally the worst moments of my life, but now I can drive the freedom is incredible. I hope you’re able to take your test again, I have everything crossed that you pass if you do! Xxx

    1. thatmummarocks

      March 27, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      Thanks lovely, here’s hoping! Xxx

  7. fashionideaqueen

    March 27, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    The fact that you have made such an effort to overcome your fear means that you are a huge success no matter what the outcomes of your tests. I give you so much credit!

  8. Sonam Lotay

    March 28, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    I’ve been driving for nearly 5 years now and I’m still nervous so I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel! Just take your time with it and fingers crossed you’ll pass it with flying colours next time!

    1. thatmummarocks

      April 21, 2017 at 9:58 am

      Thank you and thanks for reading x

  9. Melissa 💐🌸 (@fruity_flamingo)

    March 31, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    You can do it I am sure! I know what its like I want to learn to drive but I am not confident enough yet

  10. Ellie

    March 31, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    This literally could of been me writing this post! Although I did pass (eventually) but each time my confidence was knocked further and further down. I didn’t learn in an automatic but it was suggested to me because of how much easier it’s supposed to be. I took a total of 5 tests and like you, each one I failed for a stupid reason with a really low number of minors. It got to the point where I’d get to the end of the test and I’d just be waiting to hear ‘I’m sorry…’ . I said to myself that if I failed that last test I did then I was throwing the towl in with it because it’s such a horrid feeling to fail time after time again. I wanted to comment though to tell you not to get discouraged and to try again when you feel ready because on that fifth and final test, I passed (woohoo) and I’ve been driving for 2 years now and I remember how nervous I used to be and now I drive all over the place without even thinking about it. I really hope that you get your driving license! Keep at it girl, you’ll get there :).

    Ellie | http://www.make-it-up.co.uk

    1. thatmummarocks

      April 21, 2017 at 10:01 am

      Thank you and well done on passing!! One day I’ll do it! X

  11. Jordanne | Thelifeofaglasgowgirl

    April 1, 2017 at 2:34 am

    I have had a fear of driving for like ever but last year Stephen just dropped me right in it with a surprise lesson. I was so scared at my theory but I passed thankfully and now I’m so scared to take my actual test… I’ve just gave it all up and it’s because of anxiety. This post is so relatable because I genuinely think so many people to through this. Some people think it’s just an easy thing to do but it can be hella hard when the anxiety gets the best of you.

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

  12. GirlMasked

    April 2, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    Well done for trying so hard and sticking at it! Take your time and when you’re ready you will definitely get it. 😊

  13. thehelsproject

    April 5, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    I completely relate to everything here. I’ve got my fifth(!) test booked for next week and I’m so anxious already. I’ve got a six month old so I’m just telling myself it’s for him, it’s so hard and the tests are hands down the most nerve wracking thing I’ve ever had to do, i just lose my head. Good luck k to you, and just go at your own pace 🙂

    1. thatmummarocks

      April 21, 2017 at 10:07 am

      How did you do in the end Hun? Thanks for reading x

      1. thehelsproject

        April 21, 2017 at 11:05 am

        I passed 🙂 thank you for asking – i couldn’t believe it, although i think i got lucky with the route I had, i also did it first thing in the morning so i didn’t have time to worry, i just got up and did it and the roads were pretty quiet which helped 🙂 xx

  14. Linda | This Journal Is For Linda

    April 14, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    I only got my drivers on my 7th go! I cried at EVERY SINGLE test! Plus in South Africa I’m pretty sure you can’t get an automatic only license! You have to have a license for a manual to drive an automatic!

    1. thatmummarocks

      April 21, 2017 at 10:11 am

      Oh gosh really?! Thanks for reading and well done on passing! X

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